Bet the title made you think uh huh Tiwi is at it again. Bashing men and blah blah blah . Well keep reading you just might be surprised...
I am sure you have heard a lot of women dish out this phrase or something similar 'All men are bad'. I'm sorry I can't join you on that bandwagon. As my Nigerian friends would say ' It is not my portion in Jesus name'.
I am a firm believer in the philosophy that there is someone for everyone. The one, soul mates, you name it. How did I become this firm believer in love and happy endings? Simple. I was once the opposite... Yes I was the bitter one. You know the girl in the friendship group who always had something negative to say about the male species and relationships. I was the whoa betidder ( yes I just made up a word, I'm allowed). If you came to me about your relationship problems or men in general I had generic answers ready to dish out: Leave him and be single forever. Men are not worth it or meeh he's male what do you expect and other colorful ones I refuse point blank to remember. Believe me, when you have been to the other side you can appreciate the optimism that come with new thinking.
I believe that women who believe that all men are bad need to take a closer look at themselves. You need to re evaluate yourself and your life if you keep attracting ' all the bad men'. One thing we often do as human beings is blame other people for our mistakes instead of taking the responsibility for our actions and choices. ( You did after all say yes before hand. He didn't kidnap you and force you to endure his badness)
To help you understand what I mean by 'self evaluation'. I will do my own self evaluation before I changed my views on men:
I honestly believed I would never date. While all my friends were discovering boys in their teens. I was dealing with rejection from boys I 'imagined' liked me ( if I could tell you guys the stories I 'm sure you would be rolling on the floor laughing). The rejections had a major impact oh how I related with boys and men and caused a lot of confusion in my life from about 13 till I was about 17 . At 18 I washed my hands of men completely ( sniggering) and resigned to a life of spinsterhood. I didn't have the 'awkward dating when your a teen experience'. I just watched my friends go through the experience and wrote it off for myself. This was part of the of the reason why I had such a negative outlook on men. Believe me it caused a lot of unnecessary problems and depression. I felt ugly , bitter and angry.Let me break down my life anecdote and lets evaluate where I went wrong:
1) I was painfully awkward
2) I had no confidence or self esteem and would shy away from people
3) My body language always sent out the wrong signals such as ' go away I don't like you'
4) I gave up on myself before I could even try ( Wish I had tried)
5) I never made an effort with how I looked at all. ( Even Cinderella knew she would't bag the prince in a ragged maid clothes and dirt on her face)
6) My personality seemed off putting because I always said outrageous things ( I though it made me cool at the time... biggest mistake of my life but I've learnt from it).
Problems: It was all me. When I look back and think about how crazy I must have looked I chuckle. All these things made me very unattractive. Expecting prince charming to read through all that self destruction was really unrealistic. The problem with shedding this persona, was she was so ingrained in me it's taken years to get rid of her. To this day I'm still shedding her off.
No. I am not in love or in like at the moment. A guy didn't change my perspective on the opposite sex. In fact my brush with attempted dating/relationship has ranged from down right weird to painful and bewildered Tiwi. I had to change on my own (ish). If you think for a second that prince charming will come on his white stallion to sweep you off your feet before you change yourself and your thinking... then please invite me to the film premiere of the auto biography of your happily ever after. Notice such things only happen in Disney animations and rom/coms. It's harsh but we do live in a cruel world.
This is what happened to me:
- Firstly I found God ( Yes I keep mentioning this) but God in my life is what has been responsible for changing the way I think and my outlook on life. HE has given me hope that he is molding me for the perfect man and that my future husband is being molded for me somewhere out there.
- I just got tired if thinking all men where this and that. I also did a simple exercise I just turned the tables. What if ( and I know there are) some guy felt the same way I used to feel with regards to the opposite sex.
- Hope won the fight against negative Tiwi.
Me today:
I am actually excited. I can't wait to finally be with my future husband. I want 5 kids so I hope he is prepared. I want him to be different from me. I want to learn from him and I want to teach him as well.The number 1 thing is God should be the center of his life. The rest can follow after. I can't wait to be with him. (Yes I am that excited about a man I haven't even met yet, it's crazy).
Meanwhile, I will be working on myself. I want to know what love is ( no not the song, actual love). I want to understand marriage ( because when I say I do it will be for life) and I want to be the best person I can be for him.
In summary
Being negative about finding a good man consumes you. Because you literally fight with hope and hope doesn't desert you just like that. The best way I can describe this is like tearing yourself into two parts. That sounds painful right? Another thing is being so negative erodes any good feelings you have about yourself, because you will be too busy thinking about 'where have all the good men gone?' ...which leaves room for vulnerability and therefore space for all so douche baggy men to come into your life. Another thing is if you believe so strongly that all men are bad then that is what you will get honey. There is power in the words you say and your thoughts. You will also make excuses for any waste men that manage to worm their way into your life. And they will hold on to you.
All in all you are setting yourself up for a big painful fall. Re-evaluate yourself before you make up your mind about'all' men.
I hope someone finds this helpful. Please feel free to comment
Love
Tiwi x
