One thing I am going to change

There are no quick fixes when it comes to success.
                                                      -Ralph JP
One thing I am going to change is my work ethic. I sat down with myself and reflected about my life. The things I have lost out on and why I am at this point in my life. There are so many things I regret in my life because I didn't work hard enough.

I realised that my lack of a good work ethic had lead to me becoming chronically lazy. Yes I said it lazy. I made so many bad choices and mistakes. My work ethic is exactly what made me graduate with a 2.2 and not the first I should have got. I also realised that my poor work ethic has made my life more difficult and restrictive. I have formed bad and unhealthy habits with myself.All the discipline I had as a child has flown out of the window and my life has become rife with excuses and disappointments that I have cause. 

So what am I going to do?

 I have to change, This is something I feel God has been trying to show me for a long time. He has given me so many chances and opportunities to turn my life around and learn to lean on HIM. If my work ethic is bad, how will I hold down a job ? How will I be productive and be satisfied with any of my achievements. How will I follow God's will for my life. How will I even maintain my relationship with God?

The first step in this journey is being completely honest and true to myself. Because if I can lie to myself, not take the blame for my actions. Then how will my work ethic improve. Talent without hard work is wasted. Like any lost person I want a clear starting point. I have turned to God and my bible as well as Google for help.

Proverbs 14:23 says : All hard work brings profit , but mere talk leads only to poverty. 

The bible is a my life guide line. When things are good and when things are bad I turn to the Bible and I believe that this verse just sums it up. All I did was type 'hard work' into bible gateway and all the things that came up surrounding this topic strongly illustrated that to achieve anything in life one must work hard and put all your energy into your task.

As for what Google told me. I will share that with you when I share my own personal development someday. As for now I am determined to get back on course and get working hard , following my dreams and making them happen.

In summary:

1. Be  honest with yourself
2. Take responsiblitiy for your actions
3. Reflection is an important step towards realising you have a problem
4. Have faith in your ability
5. buckle down and start something.

Change is inevitable for me to be successful and satisfied with my life.

Keep you guys posted

Tiwi

Let's talk about it : All men are bad.?

Bet the title made you think uh huh Tiwi is at it again. Bashing men and blah blah blah . Well keep reading you just  might be surprised...

I am sure you have heard a lot of women dish out this phrase or something similar 'All men are bad'. I'm sorry I can't join you on that bandwagon. As my Nigerian friends would say ' It is not my portion in Jesus name'.

I am a firm believer in the philosophy that there is someone for everyone. The one, soul mates, you name it. How did I become this firm believer in love and happy endings? Simple. I was once  the opposite... Yes I was the bitter one. You know the girl in the friendship group who always had something negative to say about the male species  and relationships. I was the whoa betidder  ( yes I just made up a word, I'm allowed). If you came to me about your relationship problems or men in general I had  generic answers ready to dish out: Leave him and be single forever. Men are not worth it or meeh he's male what do you expect and other colorful ones I refuse point blank to remember. Believe me, when you have been to the other side you can appreciate the optimism that come with new thinking.

I believe that women who believe that all men are bad need to take a closer look at themselves. You need to re evaluate yourself and your life if you keep attracting ' all the bad men'. One thing we often do as human beings is blame other people for our mistakes instead of taking the responsibility for our actions and choices. ( You did after all say yes before hand. He didn't kidnap you and force you to endure his badness)

To help you understand what I mean by 'self evaluation'.  I will do my own self evaluation before I changed my views on men:

I honestly believed I would never date. While all my friends were discovering boys in their teens. I was dealing with rejection from boys I 'imagined' liked me ( if I could tell you guys the stories I 'm sure you would be rolling on the floor laughing). The rejections had a major impact oh how I related with boys and men and caused a lot of confusion in my life from about 13 till I was about 17 . At 18 I washed my hands of men completely ( sniggering) and resigned to a life of spinsterhood. I didn't have the 'awkward dating when your a teen experience'. I just watched my friends go through the experience and wrote it off for myself. This was part of the of the reason why I had such a negative outlook on men. Believe me it caused a lot of unnecessary problems and depression. I felt ugly , bitter and angry.

Let me break down my life anecdote and lets evaluate where I went wrong:

1) I was painfully awkward
2) I had no confidence or self esteem and would shy away from people
3) My body language always sent out the wrong signals such as ' go away I don't like you'
4) I gave up on myself before I could even try ( Wish   I had tried)
5) I never made an effort with how I looked at all. ( Even Cinderella knew she would't bag the prince in a ragged maid clothes and dirt on her face)
6) My personality seemed off putting because I always said outrageous things ( I though it made me cool at the time... biggest mistake of my life but I've learnt from it).

Problems: It was all me. When I look back and think about how crazy I must have looked I chuckle. All these things made me very unattractive. Expecting prince charming to read through all that self destruction was really unrealistic. The problem with shedding this persona, was she was so ingrained in me it's taken years to get rid of her. To this day I'm still shedding her off.

No. I am not in love or in like at the moment. A guy didn't change my perspective on the opposite sex. In fact my brush with attempted dating/relationship has ranged from down right weird to painful and  bewildered Tiwi. I had to change on my own (ish). If you think for a second that prince charming will come on his white stallion to sweep you off  your feet before you change yourself and your thinking... then please invite me to the film premiere of the auto biography of your happily ever after. Notice such things only happen in Disney animations and rom/coms. It's harsh but we do live in a cruel world.

 This is what happened to me:

•  Firstly I found God ( Yes I keep mentioning this) but God in my life is what has been responsible for changing the way I think and my outlook on life. HE has given me hope that he is molding me for the perfect man and that my future husband is being molded for me somewhere out there. 
• I just got tired if thinking all men where this and that. I also did a simple exercise  I just turned the tables. What if ( and I know there are) some guy felt the same way I used to feel with regards to the opposite sex.
• Hope won the fight against negative Tiwi. 

Me today:

I am actually excited. I can't wait to finally be with my future husband. I want 5 kids so I hope he is prepared. I want him to be different from me. I want to learn from him and I want to teach him as well.

The number 1 thing is God should be the center of his life. The rest can follow after. I can't wait to be with him. (Yes I am that excited about a man I haven't even met yet, it's crazy).

Meanwhile, I will be working on myself. I want to know what love is ( no not the song, actual love). I want to understand marriage ( because when I say I do it will be for life) and I want to be the best person I can be for him.

In summary

Being negative about finding a good man consumes you. Because you literally fight with hope and hope doesn't desert you just like that.  The best way I can describe this is like tearing yourself into two parts. That sounds painful right? Another thing is being so negative erodes any good feelings you have about yourself, because you will be too busy thinking about 'where have all the good men gone?' ...which leaves room for vulnerability and therefore space for  all so douche baggy men to come into your life.  Another thing is if you believe so strongly that all men are bad then that is what you will get honey. There is power in the words you say and your thoughts. You will also make excuses for any waste men that manage to worm their way into your life. And they will hold on to you.

All in all you are setting  yourself up for a big painful fall. Re-evaluate yourself before you make up your mind about'all' men.

I hope someone finds this helpful. Please feel free to comment

Love

Tiwi x

Birthday month = Reflection

Hello lovely people.

I have so much to share with you. Now I think I have probably said this a couple of times. But this blog is a way of me reflecting on my life and building my character. If you don't like open honesty or reading about people's ideas on life then I suggest you stop reading now.

I turned 23 on the 1st of November ( birthdays always make me reflect on my life) . This doesn't bother me at all because my life is currently in a transition stage  ( to be honest with you guys I think we are always in transition). 2012 for me has been one of the most difficult years of my life. It has been full of oxymoron's. From high heights to low lows; I finally understand something  my daddy always used to say to me : 'My girl if you come out of university the same person you started as then you haven't experienced life'. It true oh. It is true.

The highlight of my life is that I finally found Jesus for real this time. I won't lie it was an exhilarating experience when it happened. But I have been struggling. 1) because I am a perfectionist and can not stand the idea of getting anything wrong and 2) It is a bit scary, I won't lie. I am scared of going wrong and when I catch myself thinking or doing the wrong thing I really feel like a failure. But one thing occurred to me. In order to grow in my faith I have got to learn how to forgive myself. God forgives me every time I get things wrong and talk to him about it. So why can't I learnt to forgive myself and learn from those experiences?

I also  realized something. I constantly talk about  us as human beings being our own worst critics and I have found that this is exactly what I was putting myself through. Whereas  part of me  used to blame other people for putting me down ,in hindsight I  realized that I was doing the bulk of the criticizing and tearing apart. Allowing myself to languish in guilt about getting anything wrong. I used to focus of the negative aspects of a bad situation now I try to see how I can work through that bad situation and learn from it; lately I have found myself smiling even when I feel like the world is crashing around me. Laughing when I am crying and enjoying small luxuries.... sun rise while I'm working on a last minute deadline.

I am also so tired of fighting with myself. These days I don't have that kind of energy to tear myself down or to take that time out to dissect  this or that behavior  I am simply just too tired for that. I have matured from that definitely ( by force yes ), it has become something I can not simply stand doing. There are just too many things going on in terms of school and just life for me to sit down and breaking myself apart.

Things i realized upon refection :

• A big part of forgiveness is forgiving yourself. So you made a mistake...  beating yourself up about it will not help you. Forgiving yourself is guaranteed to help you learn something from that situation. Holding on to your mistake only holds you back.
• Don't take everything that happens in your life too personal. That requires way too much energy which you can simply invest in other aspects of your life that help you grow. You will burn out if you keep going on like that
• Changing yourself doesn't happen over night. It is a long process. Like a journey with many turns and lessons.
• don't be your own worst critic  The world does that enough for you. Be your own fan club ( without the arrogance please). Reflect on what you have achieved not the shoulda,woulda,couldas of life.