I love me some him: A letter to my future husband

I don't know you yet but I feel like I will when we finally meet.
I don't believe in love at first sight but I hope my spirit will recognise it's soul mate when we finally meet.
Where are you now? Sometimes I like to sit here and imagine you. I imagine you teaching me something new. Well more like playfullly forcing me to try something as crazy as climbing the Himalayas mountains.(Not gonna happen boo lets start small : camping in our backyard perhaps?)
We will be different I just know it, but we will be beautiful together. And maybe you guys think I am a hopeless romantic but this is a letter to my future husband, best friend , soul mate and father of my children.
I believe that we will have that consuming love because we will both understand the source of Love that is God. God will be our center and the strong foundation of us.
You will push me to be a better I will push you in return.
We will be  one. I am not afraid to fall anymore. That being said we will walk into love with our eyes wide open not fall in love with the idea of what either one of us should be. This means that we will both realise that we are flawed human beings and accept each other's imperfections with love.
One day I will tell you the funny story about how I used to run away from you. How I didn't realise that I was allowing the world to dictate and destroy our vision of love.
You will be everything and more and I will be everything you ever dreamed of.
You will be enough for me and I will be enough for you.
It's funny because once I put God in the driver's seat I begin to pray about you and for you.
I've had this dream about you since I was 15. In this dream I see our first born  child . A beautiful baby girl, with big brown eyes and curly hair. We will love her and the rest of our brood. Have I mentioned I want 5?
Sometimes I want us to meet as soon as possible. But at the moment, I know that God is perfecting us for each other. I have so many things He needs to deal with in me.  So that I will be all you need.
I want us to be happy
I want us to be successful and most of all I want our love to grow everyday.
My ultimate gift to you is 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8. I believe this is talking about our love.

Tiwi

When the pressure gets me ...

This is a little something I wrote a while back

When the pressure gets to me . My brain screams retreat, the panic button comes on and I just freeze. I don't do anything I just freeze. Motionless , clammy , sweaty, nauseous it all happens to me.
I don't understand why I keep doing this to myself. I know I have a God that is bigger than this, but there seems to be this un-explainable road block in my life.
I feel like life is happening all around me and I'm stagnant, not good enough, stuck
that apple in my throat is difficult to swallow. I can't even explain these emotions in words, just tears. Tears fall but the panic and stress never go. My emotions are all over the place.
I don't understand why I am so stuck here. I have things to do but I would rather read senseless books, be stuck on Facebook and tweet my life away. When. To be quite frank I don't even understand twitter.
When the pressure comes my body pays the prices, I can't sleep. It's 3 am , I am exhausted but I can't do it. I feel like I can't live life. I am irrationally angry, I eat when I am not hungry and too many heavy thoughts of what a failure I am consume me. Even my skin pays the price of the pressure.
I am tired. I do not wish to end my life I am just torn in too many directions.
To be quite frank I don't want to end up a nobody and at this rate poverty looks like she's chairing for me to be on her team.
I spend like I am a millionaire , well a lazy millionaire. I can stay in bed or hours just doing nothing. I am so tired of this my brain hurts. I just want to walk , and keep on walking.
I can't seem to get anything right . It is like I am being torn in two and nothing is going right.
There is no balance in my life. I just feel it spiraling down down down. Work ethic 0. health minus 0 everything is just wrong. i am bone tired and slowly running crazy.

Hair Diary : the beginning

I recently saw a good friend of mine's hair diary on facebook.  It reminded me of one of my resoluitons for this year which was to ' document stuff about my hair' ( I'm just paraphrasing).

Background
So my last relaxer was on the 10th of April 2011. I can honestly say that I do not miss the creamy crack which never agreed with my hair. I always used to burn and my hair was just in a state of utter rubbishness. So after my failed romance with the creamy crack I decided to never relax my hair, I had no idea that there was a whole natural hair beauties movement. I didn't know how to take care of my natural hair or anything all I knew was that I didn't want to touch relaxer ever again. What further cemented my choice was the documentary 'Good hair' by Chris rock. I believe that I have already talked about this in my big chop post.

Now I tranisted from 2011 till 2012. My hair was completely natural when I decided to BC it. However I wanted a more even look so I still went ahead and cut it. This was on the 26th of January 2012


Don't mind the dandruff ( iz natural) my baby sis hates the before picture

The funny thing about my hair is I did not initially take care of it. I went through phases of trying to take care of it and then just giving up completely. So my first year as a natural was spent in hair ignorance  I believe my hair would have been longer if I remained consistent. But I didn't. Bad hair care along with bad hair styles ( pick and drop will never see my head oh).

So fast forward today and I am more interested in my hair. I know that it is not about the length but it is about how healthy my hair is. I have learnt so much from natural hair blogs and YouTube videos. I don't have a defined regime at the moment, I am currently in motion of trying different things on my hair. I have so many products and I am loving it. I also decided to start measuring how long my hair grows from this month because I honestly can't count the times before. I think I've ranted enough let me share a few pictures of phases my hair has gone through.

this is the most recent one, i think this was my first failed attempt at a twist out or was it a wash and go. 

Fav hairstyle
 

my haor at it's longest
 

afro
 

classic I cba with this hair  moment

first time I two strand twisted my hair . I loved the result

So these are the only hair styles I have tried with my hair. Pretty standard and boring but I will be trying out some new products and hair styles. I really want to learn how to flat twist. This is just the beginning as the title says.


Until next time loves.