Thinking about life...

This blog isn't just about poetry and music. I'd like to think it's deeper than that.
University is teaching me alot about myself. Sometimes I feel as though I'm naked and everyone can see  my flaws. Let me explain myself. I have one of those personalities where I am who I am. I don't like being disrespected by anyone. I don't care who the person is but you will get it if you disrespect me.This contradicts my up bring and people think I'm a rude angry person. I always trained myself not care what people think about me. If people didn't get me then that was their own problem as long as me myself and I were fine.

I have learnt in the most painful way that this kind of attitude doesn't get you anywhere.  It makes you unaccesible and you miss out on good people and good experiences. I'm at a cross road in my life where I have decided to change. I don't want to be looked at as that girl with an awful personality. The close people in my life know that I am not like that. God knows I am not like that but I guess I was living my life with my head in the sand like an ostrich.

Take this walk with me on my change to being a better person. I want to be the best me I can be.

If anyone comes across this and your having similar issues but you haven't decided to change let me tell you now that it is not worth it. Life is too short to be selfish and self centered. You will push people away and in the end have to live with the consequences of your behaviour. At the end of the day you cannot run away from yourself.

Tiwi x

This is just a snapshot by the way.

Pain

Pain forces maturity 

it makes you vulnerable, naked to yourself.

You can no longer hide behind that mask you put on for everybody

because you just have to face our self.

Pain can either break you or make you.

It makes you dysfunctional and tests the boundaries of your sanity.

It can consume you,

It can change form and state. 

hate, anger, loneliness, you name it.

It can be converted into energy. It makes you determined to do something.

Pain can be a driving force.

It can eat you up inside. It is like acid, eroding all the goodness to reveal the ugly unwholesome things we like to hide.

Pain brings about unwanted emotions.

Rejection.

I like to compare pain to a festering wound. Open to infections. You cannot cover it with 

a band aid, as it takes time to heal. 

Pain is all these things and more. 

Of late, pain you have been my inspiration,

my creativity

my companion.

Somehow you are always there, reminding me. You make me strong and weak.

Just like Love your friend, you are bittersweet.

Tiwi x

Love

Even though I am in the library, attempting to write up a project on water. I decided to write.

I have been through a lot  this year already and I'm just going to free style this piece.

Love.

You have made me cry, think, doubt myself.

You have caged me in my own body.

I have wished death on you, Love.

All because you trapped me in my body and mind.

For once I couldn't run away from you.

You taught me that I can deal with my emotions.

Love you taught me that you exist.

You almost broke me, you made me sob from the depths of my soul.

You almost broke me I repeat. You made my soul ache.

You were and are the growing pains of my maturity.

You forced me to grow up. Open my eyes and survey the world I had been hiding from.

You seduced me,

made me feel like I was on floaty clouds and then you disappeared on a high.

You broke my wall. You know which one!

That concrete , land mind filled one.

You taught me to care about others beyond myself.
You taught me the golden rule of patience, silences and thinking before I act.

I could go on writing about you love.

But this.This being you Love. Also told me not to give you away to just anybody.

Let me tell you a secret Love. When I was a little girl, I believed with all my heart that you did not exist for me. I Have come to realise that you do.

Love. My beautiful oxymoron.

Thank you for your recent and future lessons.

I just wrote this in a few minutes literally. These words have been swirling around in my heart for a while. I hope you find them useful.

I just thought I should share a song with you guys, that relates to this piece.

Love you guys

Tiwi x