10 Life Lessons

1. Don't be quick to fall in love. In fact don't be quick with anything that involves giving a  part of you to another person. Take your time to get to know that person and vice versa. Guard your heart jealously.

2. Little steps make the journey. If you have a goal in mind, remember that the wall of China was not built in one day. It took one brick at a time so like each brick take it one step at a time. Think it, plan it and put it into action.

3.Self reflection is important. It is important to search your heart. Evaluate yourself, the things you do and say and where they come from. It is so easy to point out the flint in someone's eye and forget the log in ours.

4. Listen more , talk less. When you talk too much you end up saying things you shouldn't or talking about yourself all the time ( Like the person you're talking to wants to hear all of that). It is draining because it isn't all about you all the time and you never know the next man's problems. Listening is an amazing skill so next time just listen more you will learn more.

5. Be yourself. This is one thing I personally struggle with but I've learnt that not everyone will like you and when you're different a lot of people won't like you. Be yourself because you only have one life and life is too short to give people all that power over your time and your person.

6. Be a dreamer. Having a dream and creating the space for that dream to happen is not easy, but don't live in fear. Make those dreams a reality.

7. Fear is not an option. Living in fear will destroy your ability to dream. Fear tells you you can't do it. You can! If you walk in fear you will live a mediocre life. Fearlessness however doesn't mean recklessness.

8.As you get older your circle gets smaller. This came as a big shock to me when it started happening. Remember that some people come into your life for a season and a reason. Everyone you meet and interact with ,is in your life to teach you something about yourself. Some people will hurt you , some people will love you and some people may be indifferent towards you and even reject you. Never let a person break you.

9. Failing is a part of life. Now you have to decide if you rise again or fall. I see failure as a chance to learn not what to do or where I went wrong. Don't wallow in self pity for too long. Failure is not the end of the road. I believe failure is there to make us want it ( whatever that might be) more. Failure makes us fighters or quitters. Failure builds faith.

10. Love yourself. You have to because sometimes it will feel like only God and you love you. If you don't love yourself then how do you expect to love others? Be kind to you. Accept who you are. Take time to get to know yourself.

Well I hope these 10 points help someone out there. Writing them down gives me a reference point to check myself. This is by no means everything I have learnt in life but it is a starting point. I will be sharing more soon.

Care to share some of your knowledge?

Love and light
Tiwi

Life Lesson 2

Today I want to talk about success.

 At the beginning of the year I was stressed. I couldn't sleep and my appetite was non existent. Emotional upheaval, changes in environment and a lot of self reflection. I will not lie it has been hell. The best way I could describe this would be an inward battle between my positive and negative mind. I struggled with sleep, my appetite was all over the place and sometimes I just didn't do anything for days. I learnt that the biggest battle in our lives is internal.

I have been thinking a lot lately and one of my thoughts is centered around 'the meaning of success'. When you were a kid success meant finishing school going to uni and getting a job. ( this is especially true if you are from an African family). In reality life doesn't happen like this. You finish school and it's not the grades you wanted and you go to the university that was furthest from your mind. At least that's what happened to me. When I look back I am so happy things happened they way they did because I met awesome people and had amazing life experiences.

However now that I'm officially a graduate and I have been one for more than  6 months , the pressures of life are flooding in. I have no job and it's a tough pill to swallow it feels like I need to sink or swim and at the moment I am swimming. I've taught myself that success is focusing on all the amazing things I am doing now and looking openly at the things I am learning. 2013 was the year the changes began and 2014 is the year those changes have been taking root and transforming my life.

Success for me at the moment is learning. Success is not a job and money. It is learning who you are. Being able to reflect on your past openly and visualize what you want your future to look like. It is learning to take rejection, Learning to work hard and learning to become that person you always visualized yourself to be. Success is choosing to live life by your rules ( and no I'm not talking about anything irresponsible). I mean choosing to do something you love rather than settling for what you have to settle for. Success is discovering your purpose. Have you sat down and asked yourself what is my purpose on this earth?

 Don't let one moment define you, instead keep growing, keep evolving, keep learning and keep being creative.


Love

Tiwi

Life lessons (1)

It's all a distant memory now
I am free. I am different. No more anger, hurt ,nothing.
I gained understanding and personal growth . I wouldn't exchange those lessons for the world
I wish I could describe how I felt in those moments but I can't even remember

I learnt my self worth. Ladies if you don't respect and love you
Then the world will dish out a special concoction disguised as love.
I have learnt that you don't need to be in a relationship to feel validated
Love you so that you can appreciate love.

Let go of anger and don't take things so personal
When someone leaves you don't over think it
Don't rack your brain for answers
And most importantly don't blame yourself.
It is this simple. You weren't giving them what they needed in terms of feelings so they left to find it else where.

Don't beat yourself up. Pick yourself up and learn.

Love and light

Tiwi

Have you ever been in love?

source

you ever been in love?
I was 'in love' with the idea of 'love'
The idea that someone might 'love' me.
It was a selfish love where 'me' was the only equation.
The feelings were my drug. The euphoria, the sense of being love.
It was an addictive high that I couldn't kick.
In all situations good bad and down right ugly 'love' kept me there.
Every woman has that one 'love' story.

My self worth was in love, being loved.
When I look back I wonder how I could place my importance in the hands of human beings!

You see the downside to this so call 'love' was the aftermath.
Now the aftermath was even more destructive
The sense of being wronged, the burning anger, the hate and every self righteous feeling that came with being the 'wronged woman'. It was a powerfully drug. A roller coaster. One minute your crying the next minute you are in enraged vowing vengeance.
Unlike love this emotion was hard, dark an endless pit of swirling emotions
I couldn't handle it and it would have destroyed me if I had allowed it. It would have changed me from the careful, got my cards tight to my chest, focused women into something I didn't recognise. And for a minute it did. But I reeled it in. Dealt with it and closed that door.


Love I used to find myself looking for you in music,
Those rom com and racy romance novels. I was obsessed
All I would ever think about was what it would be like in a relationship
Feeling that love. Feeling consumed once again.
I would day dream and imagine things. I lived in my head
Until one day I got tired of feeling unwanted.
I got tired of feeling unfulfilled by 'love' 'like' 'attraction' , you name it.
I just got tired of all of it.

I wanted to know me.
I wanted to be unconsumed by 'love'
I found real love in myself.
I am learning that you need to love yourself before anyone can love you

Some Africans and relationships

Hello everybody it has been forever , I know. These posts take a lot out of me and sometimes I need to think for a long time before I put anything that makes sense together.

Today is an observation post. Yes and as the title suggests it is about relationships and some African people. As I was happily scrolling down my Facebook news feed  ( as you do everyday) I saw an interesting  status that made me think 'yes finally a woman that gets me'. This is what it said:

Men must realize that when his woman stays with him after he has cheated on her,lied to her, disrespected her, used her and hurts her over and over and over again ..... She is not LOYAL she is WEAK and doesn't know her WORTH. Maybe STUPID because there is a very thin line between being patient and stupidity.

I agree with this statement. This status was actually an extract taken from a post shared by Kevin Hart. If you would like to read the whole article just Google Kevin Hart Loyal woman.

Now the interesting part of this young lady's status were the comments mostly by women. I was shocked, disgusted and sad for some of the women. One thing became apparent to me. A lot of women would rather stay in a relationship filled with unhappiness rather than risk being labelled. I won't forget better the 'devil you know' than the one you don't know. They know or feel that if they left the dead beat they are with they would eventually fall for the same lines and end up with another sweet talking liar. So to protect themselves from being labeled or the fear of being man less,  they stay and work on non existent abusive relationships.
 My response was WTF. Are men simply expected to be devils and do you wrong and why is this acceptable?

One thing I have observed especially in African relationships is the amount of tolerance a woman is expected to have. And it irks me. It doesn't sit well with me at all. It makes me want to speak out and shake things up. People never talk about this, but why is a woman expected to stay with a no good user, who abuses you emotionally, cheats on you giving you God knows what disease and fathers children left right and center. How can this be acceptable and normal?

I've also noticed how men want to control everything. From what you wear, how you behave and your opinion and the funny thing is they implement this control using other women. Women against women.  Yes I said it and it is my truth. You are supposed to keep your 'Feminist, Non -conformist' opinions to yourself or you get labeled as a man hating, man bashing woman with a big mouth. I'm talking from a general 'African' point of view. Yes no body is perfect and genuine mistakes can be made. However when a man or a woman keeps cheating on you or has another partner behind your back it is time to leave. I once asked an older lady why women stayed in such relationships and she said two things. 'Where would the woman go?' and 'When your old you need someone around?'. I won't pretend to understand this because I my brain can't comprehend such an opinion. That's why this post is an observation. Are we really expected to stay and tolerate such? As it stands my opinion on African men is not a very positive one because I just think they lie too much and don't compromise. As for the women , they need to open their eyes. Stop tolerating rubbish and start living the lives they want. By turning a blind eye we are making infidelity an acceptable social norm.

Please people woman wake up and respect yourself. Now this is where my opinion ( as if it hasn't been obvious through out this observation) comes in. The change has to be with us. When I finally get married and have sons and daughters it will be me and the lucky man ( future mr Tiwi) who have to be an example to our kids and teach them to value women and men. To value relationships and respect the person they are with. If know you don't want to be with someone anymore. Leave them and continue with whatever it is you are getting up to. Be honest. Most Africans are religious. Now if you are a so called Christian and you do your partner wrong 1 million times knowingly and consensual then you need to seriously check your faith. We need to stop labeling women who leave such abusive relationships. I personally think it's sick to expect a human being to stay in such dysfunction. Another thing is women need to get strong. Stop being scared of what 'THEY' will say. Will THEY  be there when your dealing with STDs ? Will they hold you while you cry because he cheated again ? or will they be then when he decides to leave you? Stop putting yourself in these situations. Be selfish in such situations. Love yourself and leave.People need to stop living in delusion and start taking ownership and responsibility for their own lives.

In conclusion. I strongly believe it's time women did a self evaluation. We need to go back to the drawing board because this accepting all the bull,  is not working. We need to stop labeling women who say enough is enough and are strong enough to leave such situations and we need to start being supportive rather than destructive. Being strong is not staying in that relationship and hoping the man or woman will change. Real strength is being honest with yourself, picking up your load and leaving.

At the end of the day this is my opinion. What do you guys think?

Tiwi

Woman. Respect yourself!

African woman
Respect yourself! Stop settling !
Stop silencing yourself, stop being complacent and saying 'I did it for peace in my marriage'
Stop putting your value in another person.
A husband doesn't make you superior to a single woman.
Marriage is not the be and all ends in life.
Stop losing your identity and just being known as the 'wife of mr so and so'
You were born for a purpose!
Haven't you heard that respect is earned?

Don't you know that you are worthy.
You deserve respect
You deserve love
You deserve it all
You deserve faithfulness and peace of mind
Stop making excuses for why he beats you, cheats on you and more or less sweeps your feelings under the rug.
Stop leaving your son's education on 'man hood' to the world.
You are his mother. Who is more qualified than you to teach him how to respect a woman.

Stop being a single parent when you are married.
You sit there telling yourself that he will change , not saying anything just sitting there quietly
What are you waiting for?
How will he change when you don't discuss anything with him
Start vocalising your feelings
Mental illness is as real as AIDs.
Denial and delusions lead to one of two places. An early grave or jail.

African woman bring something to your relationship
Yes the man is the head of the family but he is not a mule
He has feelings, He is human. Stop leaving everything up to him
You are partners. Help each other out!

African woman stop being a victim.
Stop accepting bad treatment and start putting your foot down.
Your silence is contributing to the problem
Your quite acceptance is amplifying the problem.

How can the change you want happen without action
Women need to stop hating each other and start organising
It is only when we organise and agree to move with direction that change will happen.
Respect yourself African woman.
You are the change maker.

It is only when we start realising that a man does not define us
That we can come together and:
 a) be the change we want !
 b)  negative norms will change!

Start loving yourself enough and stop accepting rubbish!

Happy New year

Hello everybody

How rude of me for not wishing you guys a happy new year :). Happy new year everybody :)

So New year , new things? Not for me. I decided to continue building on things I already started or things I was thinking of starting but never got round to doing. Updates on this blog are like a solar eclipse very rare. I promise to try and actually give you guys at least 2 posts a month.

I have so much to talk about. I always do 0_o. I find it difficult to structure what I want to say in a way that other people will understand. I guess that's something I will have to work on. 

This year I can promise more poetry, more thought provoking articles ( my opinion)  and more music. I'm so excited to share with you guys.

Love Tiwi