Birthday month = Reflection

Hello lovely people.

I have so much to share with you. Now I think I have probably said this a couple of times. But this blog is a way of me reflecting on my life and building my character. If you don't like open honesty or reading about people's ideas on life then I suggest you stop reading now.

I turned 23 on the 1st of November ( birthdays always make me reflect on my life) . This doesn't bother me at all because my life is currently in a transition stage  ( to be honest with you guys I think we are always in transition). 2012 for me has been one of the most difficult years of my life. It has been full of oxymoron's. From high heights to low lows; I finally understand something  my daddy always used to say to me : 'My girl if you come out of university the same person you started as then you haven't experienced life'. It true oh. It is true.

The highlight of my life is that I finally found Jesus for real this time. I won't lie it was an exhilarating experience when it happened. But I have been struggling. 1) because I am a perfectionist and can not stand the idea of getting anything wrong and 2) It is a bit scary, I won't lie. I am scared of going wrong and when I catch myself thinking or doing the wrong thing I really feel like a failure. But one thing occurred to me. In order to grow in my faith I have got to learn how to forgive myself. God forgives me every time I get things wrong and talk to him about it. So why can't I learnt to forgive myself and learn from those experiences?

I also  realized something. I constantly talk about  us as human beings being our own worst critics and I have found that this is exactly what I was putting myself through. Whereas  part of me  used to blame other people for putting me down ,in hindsight I  realized that I was doing the bulk of the criticizing and tearing apart. Allowing myself to languish in guilt about getting anything wrong. I used to focus of the negative aspects of a bad situation now I try to see how I can work through that bad situation and learn from it; lately I have found myself smiling even when I feel like the world is crashing around me. Laughing when I am crying and enjoying small luxuries.... sun rise while I'm working on a last minute deadline.

I am also so tired of fighting with myself. These days I don't have that kind of energy to tear myself down or to take that time out to dissect  this or that behavior  I am simply just too tired for that. I have matured from that definitely ( by force yes ), it has become something I can not simply stand doing. There are just too many things going on in terms of school and just life for me to sit down and breaking myself apart.

Things i realized upon refection :

• A big part of forgiveness is forgiving yourself. So you made a mistake...  beating yourself up about it will not help you. Forgiving yourself is guaranteed to help you learn something from that situation. Holding on to your mistake only holds you back.
• Don't take everything that happens in your life too personal. That requires way too much energy which you can simply invest in other aspects of your life that help you grow. You will burn out if you keep going on like that
• Changing yourself doesn't happen over night. It is a long process. Like a journey with many turns and lessons.
• don't be your own worst critic  The world does that enough for you. Be your own fan club ( without the arrogance please). Reflect on what you have achieved not the shoulda,woulda,couldas of life.

That girl

This is a poem for that girl.
That girl who smiles with her mouth and not her eyes
That girl who has so many dreams but so little faith in herself
That confused girl who forgot to leave her past behind and grow up
Or maybe she simply didn't know how to leave it. Let go and let flow.

That girl who doesn't think she is beautiful. Constantly plagued with her own insecurities and the almost impossible standards she sets out for herself.
That girl who hides those scars, those black and blue marks she claims as her only trophies
That girl who is caged behind their expectations for her
Those girls who are expected to be nothing less than a super woman.

This poem is for those girl's who are going through something.
That girl who has prevailed.
She took those plows you handed to her metaphysical being.
That girl refuses to give in. She is strong despite wanting to call it a day
She keeps on breathing
She keeps on living.
She keeps on taking those steps. One at a time.

That girl is timeless. She is an experience all women must learn.
She is your insecurities, your doubt, your lack of self confidence.
She is that weakness, that is so weak she forces you to grow in strength,
She can be your greatest weakness or your greatest  success story.

That girl... you know her. She is in every woman and girl.

African ideologies of dating, marriage and relationships in the 21st century? part 1

This is hopefully going to be an interesting post that gets people talking. I have a few questions about how Africans (including myself) look at relationships.

You are probably wondering why I am interested in this? I have been reading a few articles that made me quite angry at first. Then they made me laugh then very perplexed. 

I should probably start off by saying what I personally believe any kind of relationship between a man and a woman should entail.

A relationship to me means an equal partnership. It is a partnership that two people who love each other enter Things like mutual respect and similar beliefs should carry more weight than a woman doing the domestic cores.
 

For some naive reason I thought we live in the 21st century,  where women have rights, can get an education and therefore have a career. Therefore I assumed that the dynamics of the old age women's place is the kitchen have evolved to a system that helps both man and woman . However when I read a number of articles on 'why a lot of ..... women (mostly African countries) will never get married in their lives ever'. I was genuinely shocked and appalled ,by not only the writer but the responses from the readers. According to the article in question. Women's rights have 'destroyed' women.  I will have to quote this writer who without shame said that women having the mentality that whatever men can do women can do better is and I quote ' a lie from the devil'. Apparently we ( we being women)are all vapid and only concern with buying expensive things ( mind you this money he was referring to is money we have earned ourselves)and painting our faces. We dress too provocative and have no respect. The writer suggested that women should not have facebook or twitter because no 'respectable man' would want to marry a woman who has more than 1000 friends on facebook. Or a woman who spends her time on bbm or recieves too many phonecalls....

 This is what made me laugh the hardest : According to the article ( which I will link at the end of this) women today refuse to cook and clean , run bath water and blah blah blah for their husbands(or wanna be husband/ husband in waiting). Which is why we will never get married or get cheated on. A female reader asked if women should resort to applying our faces with Vaseline, wearing robes and being uneducated to keep a 'responsible man'. I am with her on that line because I really don't get it? Should I be wearing those dirty robes with Vaseline on my face, while standing at attention waiting for instructions from my all so knowledgeable husband and master if I want him to stick around?

I genuinely am seeking answers because the last time I checked we live in the 21st century;  Is cooking, cleaning, saluting a man with yes sir, playing down our intelligence , and helping a man achieve HIS GOALS AND DREAMS really what we as women should aim to be or do in order to get married? Is that it really?We as women have to make all the sacrifices and live according to what makes our man feel less insecure while looking like  Beyonce  ( well as less made up version) .We can't be more successful than them because we will 'not respect them'  and  we won't do our 'DUTY' as wives or prosective wives? 0_o...

Another thing that makes me laugh is how people look at marriage as if your life is over if you don't have a husband? Is it now? Is someones value as a human being really measured by marriage. I am not in any way slumming marriage . I just think people should get married for the right reasons not because society expects them to or for any kind of 'social standing'. Maybe I am a hopeless romantic but whatever happened to love and mutual respect, and similar values being what a marriage should be based on? 

Now I am not saying that women who choose to do the things I have mentioned above are wrong. That is them and if it makes them happy then so be it. However some women myself included do not want to do that. No I don't lack home training or whatever you might choose to call it. I just think that they dynamics of marriage have changed; it is not my DUTY  to cook for you and whatever you think I should be doing as a 'good little wife. It is a privileged. I want a partner not a master. If I want to do all those things for a man it should be because I want to not because I have to do in order to ensure he stays faithful to me or even sticks around. According to that article and it's responses men have wives to unburden their domestic life and provide unlimited sex 0_o.We should all return to the 7th century were women stayed at home taking care of home and child while men hunted and gathered food.

I could go on forever about this. Alas there is too much to say and this topic is inexhaustible.

Please read the article I am referring to here .

I would love to know what you guys think about the questions I have raised as well as what you think about the article.

Thank you for reading

Tiwi x