10 Life Lessons

1. Don't be quick to fall in love. In fact don't be quick with anything that involves giving a  part of you to another person. Take your time to get to know that person and vice versa. Guard your heart jealously.

2. Little steps make the journey. If you have a goal in mind, remember that the wall of China was not built in one day. It took one brick at a time so like each brick take it one step at a time. Think it, plan it and put it into action.

3.Self reflection is important. It is important to search your heart. Evaluate yourself, the things you do and say and where they come from. It is so easy to point out the flint in someone's eye and forget the log in ours.

4. Listen more , talk less. When you talk too much you end up saying things you shouldn't or talking about yourself all the time ( Like the person you're talking to wants to hear all of that). It is draining because it isn't all about you all the time and you never know the next man's problems. Listening is an amazing skill so next time just listen more you will learn more.

5. Be yourself. This is one thing I personally struggle with but I've learnt that not everyone will like you and when you're different a lot of people won't like you. Be yourself because you only have one life and life is too short to give people all that power over your time and your person.

6. Be a dreamer. Having a dream and creating the space for that dream to happen is not easy, but don't live in fear. Make those dreams a reality.

7. Fear is not an option. Living in fear will destroy your ability to dream. Fear tells you you can't do it. You can! If you walk in fear you will live a mediocre life. Fearlessness however doesn't mean recklessness.

8.As you get older your circle gets smaller. This came as a big shock to me when it started happening. Remember that some people come into your life for a season and a reason. Everyone you meet and interact with ,is in your life to teach you something about yourself. Some people will hurt you , some people will love you and some people may be indifferent towards you and even reject you. Never let a person break you.

9. Failing is a part of life. Now you have to decide if you rise again or fall. I see failure as a chance to learn not what to do or where I went wrong. Don't wallow in self pity for too long. Failure is not the end of the road. I believe failure is there to make us want it ( whatever that might be) more. Failure makes us fighters or quitters. Failure builds faith.

10. Love yourself. You have to because sometimes it will feel like only God and you love you. If you don't love yourself then how do you expect to love others? Be kind to you. Accept who you are. Take time to get to know yourself.

Well I hope these 10 points help someone out there. Writing them down gives me a reference point to check myself. This is by no means everything I have learnt in life but it is a starting point. I will be sharing more soon.

Care to share some of your knowledge?

Love and light
Tiwi

Life Lesson 2

Today I want to talk about success.

 At the beginning of the year I was stressed. I couldn't sleep and my appetite was non existent. Emotional upheaval, changes in environment and a lot of self reflection. I will not lie it has been hell. The best way I could describe this would be an inward battle between my positive and negative mind. I struggled with sleep, my appetite was all over the place and sometimes I just didn't do anything for days. I learnt that the biggest battle in our lives is internal.

I have been thinking a lot lately and one of my thoughts is centered around 'the meaning of success'. When you were a kid success meant finishing school going to uni and getting a job. ( this is especially true if you are from an African family). In reality life doesn't happen like this. You finish school and it's not the grades you wanted and you go to the university that was furthest from your mind. At least that's what happened to me. When I look back I am so happy things happened they way they did because I met awesome people and had amazing life experiences.

However now that I'm officially a graduate and I have been one for more than  6 months , the pressures of life are flooding in. I have no job and it's a tough pill to swallow it feels like I need to sink or swim and at the moment I am swimming. I've taught myself that success is focusing on all the amazing things I am doing now and looking openly at the things I am learning. 2013 was the year the changes began and 2014 is the year those changes have been taking root and transforming my life.

Success for me at the moment is learning. Success is not a job and money. It is learning who you are. Being able to reflect on your past openly and visualize what you want your future to look like. It is learning to take rejection, Learning to work hard and learning to become that person you always visualized yourself to be. Success is choosing to live life by your rules ( and no I'm not talking about anything irresponsible). I mean choosing to do something you love rather than settling for what you have to settle for. Success is discovering your purpose. Have you sat down and asked yourself what is my purpose on this earth?

 Don't let one moment define you, instead keep growing, keep evolving, keep learning and keep being creative.


Love

Tiwi

Life lessons (1)

It's all a distant memory now
I am free. I am different. No more anger, hurt ,nothing.
I gained understanding and personal growth . I wouldn't exchange those lessons for the world
I wish I could describe how I felt in those moments but I can't even remember

I learnt my self worth. Ladies if you don't respect and love you
Then the world will dish out a special concoction disguised as love.
I have learnt that you don't need to be in a relationship to feel validated
Love you so that you can appreciate love.

Let go of anger and don't take things so personal
When someone leaves you don't over think it
Don't rack your brain for answers
And most importantly don't blame yourself.
It is this simple. You weren't giving them what they needed in terms of feelings so they left to find it else where.

Don't beat yourself up. Pick yourself up and learn.

Love and light

Tiwi

Have you ever been in love?

source

you ever been in love?
I was 'in love' with the idea of 'love'
The idea that someone might 'love' me.
It was a selfish love where 'me' was the only equation.
The feelings were my drug. The euphoria, the sense of being love.
It was an addictive high that I couldn't kick.
In all situations good bad and down right ugly 'love' kept me there.
Every woman has that one 'love' story.

My self worth was in love, being loved.
When I look back I wonder how I could place my importance in the hands of human beings!

You see the downside to this so call 'love' was the aftermath.
Now the aftermath was even more destructive
The sense of being wronged, the burning anger, the hate and every self righteous feeling that came with being the 'wronged woman'. It was a powerfully drug. A roller coaster. One minute your crying the next minute you are in enraged vowing vengeance.
Unlike love this emotion was hard, dark an endless pit of swirling emotions
I couldn't handle it and it would have destroyed me if I had allowed it. It would have changed me from the careful, got my cards tight to my chest, focused women into something I didn't recognise. And for a minute it did. But I reeled it in. Dealt with it and closed that door.


Love I used to find myself looking for you in music,
Those rom com and racy romance novels. I was obsessed
All I would ever think about was what it would be like in a relationship
Feeling that love. Feeling consumed once again.
I would day dream and imagine things. I lived in my head
Until one day I got tired of feeling unwanted.
I got tired of feeling unfulfilled by 'love' 'like' 'attraction' , you name it.
I just got tired of all of it.

I wanted to know me.
I wanted to be unconsumed by 'love'
I found real love in myself.
I am learning that you need to love yourself before anyone can love you

Some Africans and relationships

Hello everybody it has been forever , I know. These posts take a lot out of me and sometimes I need to think for a long time before I put anything that makes sense together.

Today is an observation post. Yes and as the title suggests it is about relationships and some African people. As I was happily scrolling down my Facebook news feed  ( as you do everyday) I saw an interesting  status that made me think 'yes finally a woman that gets me'. This is what it said:

Men must realize that when his woman stays with him after he has cheated on her,lied to her, disrespected her, used her and hurts her over and over and over again ..... She is not LOYAL she is WEAK and doesn't know her WORTH. Maybe STUPID because there is a very thin line between being patient and stupidity.

I agree with this statement. This status was actually an extract taken from a post shared by Kevin Hart. If you would like to read the whole article just Google Kevin Hart Loyal woman.

Now the interesting part of this young lady's status were the comments mostly by women. I was shocked, disgusted and sad for some of the women. One thing became apparent to me. A lot of women would rather stay in a relationship filled with unhappiness rather than risk being labelled. I won't forget better the 'devil you know' than the one you don't know. They know or feel that if they left the dead beat they are with they would eventually fall for the same lines and end up with another sweet talking liar. So to protect themselves from being labeled or the fear of being man less,  they stay and work on non existent abusive relationships.
 My response was WTF. Are men simply expected to be devils and do you wrong and why is this acceptable?

One thing I have observed especially in African relationships is the amount of tolerance a woman is expected to have. And it irks me. It doesn't sit well with me at all. It makes me want to speak out and shake things up. People never talk about this, but why is a woman expected to stay with a no good user, who abuses you emotionally, cheats on you giving you God knows what disease and fathers children left right and center. How can this be acceptable and normal?

I've also noticed how men want to control everything. From what you wear, how you behave and your opinion and the funny thing is they implement this control using other women. Women against women.  Yes I said it and it is my truth. You are supposed to keep your 'Feminist, Non -conformist' opinions to yourself or you get labeled as a man hating, man bashing woman with a big mouth. I'm talking from a general 'African' point of view. Yes no body is perfect and genuine mistakes can be made. However when a man or a woman keeps cheating on you or has another partner behind your back it is time to leave. I once asked an older lady why women stayed in such relationships and she said two things. 'Where would the woman go?' and 'When your old you need someone around?'. I won't pretend to understand this because I my brain can't comprehend such an opinion. That's why this post is an observation. Are we really expected to stay and tolerate such? As it stands my opinion on African men is not a very positive one because I just think they lie too much and don't compromise. As for the women , they need to open their eyes. Stop tolerating rubbish and start living the lives they want. By turning a blind eye we are making infidelity an acceptable social norm.

Please people woman wake up and respect yourself. Now this is where my opinion ( as if it hasn't been obvious through out this observation) comes in. The change has to be with us. When I finally get married and have sons and daughters it will be me and the lucky man ( future mr Tiwi) who have to be an example to our kids and teach them to value women and men. To value relationships and respect the person they are with. If know you don't want to be with someone anymore. Leave them and continue with whatever it is you are getting up to. Be honest. Most Africans are religious. Now if you are a so called Christian and you do your partner wrong 1 million times knowingly and consensual then you need to seriously check your faith. We need to stop labeling women who leave such abusive relationships. I personally think it's sick to expect a human being to stay in such dysfunction. Another thing is women need to get strong. Stop being scared of what 'THEY' will say. Will THEY  be there when your dealing with STDs ? Will they hold you while you cry because he cheated again ? or will they be then when he decides to leave you? Stop putting yourself in these situations. Be selfish in such situations. Love yourself and leave.People need to stop living in delusion and start taking ownership and responsibility for their own lives.

In conclusion. I strongly believe it's time women did a self evaluation. We need to go back to the drawing board because this accepting all the bull,  is not working. We need to stop labeling women who say enough is enough and are strong enough to leave such situations and we need to start being supportive rather than destructive. Being strong is not staying in that relationship and hoping the man or woman will change. Real strength is being honest with yourself, picking up your load and leaving.

At the end of the day this is my opinion. What do you guys think?

Tiwi

Woman. Respect yourself!

African woman
Respect yourself! Stop settling !
Stop silencing yourself, stop being complacent and saying 'I did it for peace in my marriage'
Stop putting your value in another person.
A husband doesn't make you superior to a single woman.
Marriage is not the be and all ends in life.
Stop losing your identity and just being known as the 'wife of mr so and so'
You were born for a purpose!
Haven't you heard that respect is earned?

Don't you know that you are worthy.
You deserve respect
You deserve love
You deserve it all
You deserve faithfulness and peace of mind
Stop making excuses for why he beats you, cheats on you and more or less sweeps your feelings under the rug.
Stop leaving your son's education on 'man hood' to the world.
You are his mother. Who is more qualified than you to teach him how to respect a woman.

Stop being a single parent when you are married.
You sit there telling yourself that he will change , not saying anything just sitting there quietly
What are you waiting for?
How will he change when you don't discuss anything with him
Start vocalising your feelings
Mental illness is as real as AIDs.
Denial and delusions lead to one of two places. An early grave or jail.

African woman bring something to your relationship
Yes the man is the head of the family but he is not a mule
He has feelings, He is human. Stop leaving everything up to him
You are partners. Help each other out!

African woman stop being a victim.
Stop accepting bad treatment and start putting your foot down.
Your silence is contributing to the problem
Your quite acceptance is amplifying the problem.

How can the change you want happen without action
Women need to stop hating each other and start organising
It is only when we organise and agree to move with direction that change will happen.
Respect yourself African woman.
You are the change maker.

It is only when we start realising that a man does not define us
That we can come together and:
 a) be the change we want !
 b)  negative norms will change!

Start loving yourself enough and stop accepting rubbish!

Happy New year

Hello everybody

How rude of me for not wishing you guys a happy new year :). Happy new year everybody :)

So New year , new things? Not for me. I decided to continue building on things I already started or things I was thinking of starting but never got round to doing. Updates on this blog are like a solar eclipse very rare. I promise to try and actually give you guys at least 2 posts a month.

I have so much to talk about. I always do 0_o. I find it difficult to structure what I want to say in a way that other people will understand. I guess that's something I will have to work on. 

This year I can promise more poetry, more thought provoking articles ( my opinion)  and more music. I'm so excited to share with you guys.

Love Tiwi 

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What I'm listening to

As you guys know. From time to time, I enjoy sharing what I've been listening to with you guys.

I've mentioned this before and I will say this every time I do this kind of post. I have an eclectic taste when it comes to music. 

 It has a lot do to with how the music makes me feel. I listen to the words and the beat and if it's beautiful I'm hooked. 

Today I've got some mzansi jams, some afrobeats, old school jams, r&b , neo soul and some hip hop.

I hope you enjoy my play list this time. 

Lord knows I have

Love 

Tiwi

The 21st century African woman : Cooking and House chores.

Hello my good people

Sometime ago I wrote about African ideologies of dating and marriage. I was making this a part 2 but I felt simply calling it that was mehh...boring. I wanted to look at house chores and cooking in an African relationship

Warning: I have very strong opinions on this so be ready. I am trying to understand the existing African psyche from things I have read and things I see around me.

 As an African woman I feel there are many things that put us under pressure. According to the message I feel we get out there :You are supposed to embody your traditional roles by this I mean , 'Children, kitchen and home' while perusing a demanding career, looking like Beyonce/ doing your Naomi Campbell walk and staying fit. Oh and you are supposed to take care of your husband as well.

Cooking and house chores.

To get the ball rolling. I thought I should share this bit of nonsense I read somewhere :Many ladies now dislike cooking and home chores just because they had been totally brainwashed by movies showcasing men playing the role of women in a family, and due to excessive exposure to modern media that promotes gender-equality in a destructive way that’s aimed at destroying the unique African family setting that made our previous African marriages everlasting and envious to the westerns. Now, with this attitude, how do you expect a Zambian man to desire to marry when he knows he is only buying more headache and trouble than helper for himself

Can someone please explain to me how needing help and support equates being brain washed? 

I have several questions and thoughts based on this statement. Is this how men really see us? Let me be more specific is this how African men see us women?Are we simply ' helpers' to make the man's life more simple and easy?

I have heard so many opinions on this cooking and housework issue. My aunt told me a story about how some African men come to this country ( the UK) and expect things to be the same as back home. Imagine this scenario :

You are married to a man that was a manger in your home country. Now you move abroad (the UK). You work as a carer in a nursing home. You have 4 kids with your husband. He refuses to get a job because they won't hire him as a manager. So he sits at home reading the newspaper and watching TV. In the morning you come home from a 12 hour shift, you get the kids up from bed feed and bath them , then you walk your kids to school. You come back , make breakfast for your husband. At 3 you wake up from your sleep to pick your kids from school then you come home to cook and at 6 you head of to work again. All your husband does is take your money and demand his breakfast and dinner.

Frankly when my aunt told me this story I wanted to get my hands on the man and beat him. This story is not unique. I always hear all kinds of shocking things about people's marriages ( being over 20 sucks sometimes because people start sharing their weird stories with you). The things I've heard, apparently some of the women aren't taking it anymore and have started to "rebel" and be "disrespectful".

My culture ( I dunno about yours) teaches girls that they should take care of their husbands like it's their first born child. You are expected to do everything for the man. And this is one of the reasons I have sworn off marrying a man from 'my country' or a man that thinks like this because I know a marriage with such a person would become very unbearable for him because I'd go crazy therefore he would be following me straight to crazyland.

It seems ( from the things I've heard)  to qualify as wife/ girl friend material you have to cook for the man.  Your place is the kitchen and you must be equipped in the knowledge and power that is cooking and being a cleaner. I have heard and read a lot about this. For instance if you don't cook then your man will cheat on you and leave you for some other woman. Cooking ensures that your man will remain at home with you? Please read this twice because when I heard it I had to bite my tongue.( I think I drew blood). Cooking will ensure that you keep your man at home. I am sorry but if you marry someone solely for their domestic skills there is something not right with you. Yes I have said it. According to the domestic critics you need to throw down in the kitchen or Mr man is gone. I say bye bye to that type of man. Is learning how to cook and sharing the load such a big problem? Is it the end of the world?

 I think cooking and house chores in general need to be shared between everyone in the household? Yes including the man! Why? because I work and you work. I am not superwoman with extra powers.I am just as tired as you and I am sorry if you think women are superwoman / machine lady but that's how it should be.

Women work just as hard as their male counterparts so why at the end of a long day should cooking cause such an uproar. I'm not saying have a rota that has a precise breakdown on whose turn it is to cook. I am saying at least help out sometimes. Offer to cook something at least twice a week or something along those lines. Offer to clean up without it becoming an issue of 'you never help me with anything'. I for one love cooking and running a home but I want my future husband to be involved in everything so that my sons can learn to be considerate and not cause some poor woman's daughter a headache in the future. And so that they can respect the work and time that goes into cooking and keeping a home. I believe it will bring our home closer together as a family. I don't believe in going with the so called 'roles' society gives us. You are a part of society therefore you can  make the rules work for you and not against you! It is called being considerate. Someone is tired or your both tired offering to help out will not kill you. I gave you this one for free.I think sometimes men think we mean that they should do everything and we should fold our arms and channel surf until we find a good episode of hoarders or how do I look to watch.Helping out is a way of showing you care. Even if I was a housewife ( God forbid) keeping a house and kids entertained is still a full time job which I am not getting paid for. I would expect a helping hand without complaining or whining. It really isn't that difficult to cook, take out the trash or help with bath times! I think it really takes a mentally mature person to do these things with out being asked. Why not offer a helping hand before it turns into resentment and a fight. I think many ladies will agree with me in saying this is what we want from a partner.

How does cooking prevent cheating? As far as I am concern if someone wants to cheat on you they will. Plain and simple.You can't exactly be there with food to shovel down the man's face every time you think he will cheat! And him staying or coming home every evening because of your cooking won't prevent him from cheating or mistreating you in any way. Every time someone says otherwise I really want them to break down how the cheating mechanism is triggered by your wife/ girlfriend not cooking? I personally think that this kind of thinking leads to making a lot of excuses for bad and selfish behavior!

A lot of people and I'm not just saying men say that the western ways have disrupted the 'unique Africa' way of doing things. I've heard many theories on this and my personal solution is whatever works for  you and the person your with.I mean if a lady doesn't mind cooking and cleaning and doing it all on her own. Then by all means go ahead and do that. But not every African woman is happy settling for that. As far as some of us are concern ( and yes I've mentioned this already), we are looking for a partner not a boss. A relationship is a two way street. I think the best thing for men looking for 'unique African family structure' please go to the village where you will find a suitable wife ready and willing to serve you and run around after you.


Thank you for reading

Tiwi

Mr Philosopher

You are that Jill Scott song minus the part about loving me

I wouldn't say I loved you but I was in strong like.

You intrigued me with your words and thoughts.

Your mind was the main attraction.

On these long nights when sleep is aloof and my mind wonders.

I always remember you.

We could have been great together says my flesh.

But my spirit knows better. We would have destroyed each other.

Like Romeo and Juliet. Minus the Shakespearean drama.

I will always cherish the times we spent together, talking about life and exploring each others minds.

You were a moment in time mr. A microcosm of my brush with men.

From you I learn't the art of letting go. Not getting ahead of myself and dealing with my confused emotions. Boy did I get a run for my feelings. I realise now that you were a test... I learnt not to give away my heart so easily with you. You made me laugh so hard and you almost made me cry. If I still knew you I would say thank you .Even though I'm sure you wouldn't understand.

You could almost fade into the background for our meeting was but a brush of fate. 

We were both at  life's crossroad going through some things. 

Like I said before you remind me of the chords to the Jill Scott song ' He loves me' minus the love. Whenever I hear that song from now on wards it will remind me of you.

strong like
Tiwi x

Unapologetic immigrant

You always ask me. 'Where are you from'?

I say oh ' Skipton' but you say No. Where are you from 'originally'.

My thought process when you ask me that question is ' Here we go again'. What follows after my long winded awkward explanation about my heritage ' Oh so why did you move here'?

Why do you think I moved here?  

For some reason this world believes the 1st world is the land of opportunity and bright futures.

Meanwhile African and Africans have no faith in their own systems. Forever looking at distant lands other than our own for our bright futures. It's a sad reality. We don't have faith in our selves and the rest of the world sees us a a continent of beggars, rife with corruption , disease and hunger! 

You might get mad  at me but you know it's true!

Instead of improving our homelands we think about the I. Inequalities grow bigger. 'Developments happen' but the corruption and dishonesty of the immoral systems in place  make us passive beings who look for our bright futures, big money and the likes in other lands. No one wants to be the first one to build Africa up. 

Sometimes I ask myself how can the richest continent be so poor and broken?

I am an unapologetic immigrant. At first I used to feel inferior faced with the question ' Why did you move here?'. Alot of my time spent explaining that my parents got a job so we had to move. I find it rude and disrespectful that people feel a sense of entitlement to quiz people about why they move. Don''t you watch the new? Duh. Look at the Africa you see on the BBCs and the  ITVs! If you were an immigrant faced with the chance of a 'better life' wouldn't you move?

Don't get me wrong my Africa is beautiful. It is just plagued by a disease called greed and entitlement for work not done. 

Are people not entitled to move these days? can't a person seek a better life. You expect immigrants to sympathise with you. Welcome to the reality of this world. People move to obtain an elusive sense of a better life. To live in countries where they are hated and killed. Mistreated and disrespected! All for an opportunity at improving their life. It is in our human psyche to seek better opportunities for ourselves. 

What do you think mate! I want a bright future too. I want to be taken seriously and to have more 'opportunities'. This is what I have been fed. Hurl your go back to your countries. Hurl your racist slurs. I will still be here. Didn't you know we live in a globalised world?! Was it not your country that 'discovered us' as savages who were uncivilized and didn't know any better. Now you have the ideal life and won't share the pie.

Everyone wants to have a good life. That is why we leave our homes, the sunshine, good food , family and friends to seek this elusive 'better life'. 

One thing I am going to change

There are no quick fixes when it comes to success.
                                                      -Ralph JP
One thing I am going to change is my work ethic. I sat down with myself and reflected about my life. The things I have lost out on and why I am at this point in my life. There are so many things I regret in my life because I didn't work hard enough.

I realised that my lack of a good work ethic had lead to me becoming chronically lazy. Yes I said it lazy. I made so many bad choices and mistakes. My work ethic is exactly what made me graduate with a 2.2 and not the first I should have got. I also realised that my poor work ethic has made my life more difficult and restrictive. I have formed bad and unhealthy habits with myself.All the discipline I had as a child has flown out of the window and my life has become rife with excuses and disappointments that I have cause. 

So what am I going to do?

 I have to change, This is something I feel God has been trying to show me for a long time. He has given me so many chances and opportunities to turn my life around and learn to lean on HIM. If my work ethic is bad, how will I hold down a job ? How will I be productive and be satisfied with any of my achievements. How will I follow God's will for my life. How will I even maintain my relationship with God?

The first step in this journey is being completely honest and true to myself. Because if I can lie to myself, not take the blame for my actions. Then how will my work ethic improve. Talent without hard work is wasted. Like any lost person I want a clear starting point. I have turned to God and my bible as well as Google for help.

Proverbs 14:23 says : All hard work brings profit , but mere talk leads only to poverty. 

The bible is a my life guide line. When things are good and when things are bad I turn to the Bible and I believe that this verse just sums it up. All I did was type 'hard work' into bible gateway and all the things that came up surrounding this topic strongly illustrated that to achieve anything in life one must work hard and put all your energy into your task.

As for what Google told me. I will share that with you when I share my own personal development someday. As for now I am determined to get back on course and get working hard , following my dreams and making them happen.

In summary:

1. Be  honest with yourself
2. Take responsiblitiy for your actions
3. Reflection is an important step towards realising you have a problem
4. Have faith in your ability
5. buckle down and start something.

Change is inevitable for me to be successful and satisfied with my life.

Keep you guys posted

Tiwi

October Challenge

So I was casually scrolling through my YouTube 'watch this suggestions' and I came across Tracee Ellis Ross October challenge. The #octoberchallenge is a fitness challenge. At the beginning of the year one of my resolutions was to lose weight and get healthy. Sadly I joined the gym and only went  for 2 days and quit. I'd even bought all the gear but I haven't motivated myself.

I'm at the point in my life where I don't like my body or how it looks. My 20s are supposed to be some of the happiest moments of my life but because of my bad eating habits and lack of exercise it is a bit of a nightmare sometimes. I am 97kg which is 15.2749 stone according to Google. And frankly I am sick of it! Im only 5'6 and a half so this weight has got to go. I will be using the October challenge as my starting point of my fitness/ get healthy journey.

Watch the original video for more on the October challenge

Wish me luck and please pray for me because snacking always gets me! I want to break my unhealthy relationship with food!

I am setting myself the following

• Jog/ walk 5 days a week
• drink more water
• replace snacks with more fruit and veg
• cook more healthy food
• Eat breakfast, lunch and dinner.

This is just the beginning guys

Happy October peoples

Love

Tiwi

x

What I'm listening to part 3

Hello lovelies

If there is one thing I love it's music. I think it would definitely make the 10 things I would take with me on a desert island. Even though I have quite an eclectic taste in music I hold a special place for neo- soul music. Today I will share the new music I've found and some old classics I just can't get out of mind. Enjoy.

Fred Hammond : Be Magnified

I have a lot of respect for people who dedicate their lives to using music to proclaim the word of God and be witnesses for his kingdom. It is not easy proclaiming your faith these days alot of people think your a freak or weirdo, even just by sharing a song. 

This song speaks to my soul and makes me feel closer to God. When I'm feeling down I just listen to it and God talks to me. You can really feel His amazing presences in this song.

Kem

If you haven't heard of this man then you need to check out his music. I love him , his voice is amazing and I've seen his live performances on YouTube. Lord have mercy he is good. I hope he decides to have a UK tour some day so that I can go and see him. If not then America here I come.

Ron Isely featuring Kem : My Favourite thing.

Found this son last week and I can't get it out of my mind. This is what I call real good music. The video is tasteful and the song is even more amazing. I love how their voice mesh perfectly. Whatever happened to love songs like this? 

  

Discovering Shakka. 

Sometimes I feel like I live under a rock. Here is this amazing UK based musician and I didn't know he exists. I discovered Shakka's music watching a natural hair tutorial on Fusionofcultures Youtube Channel ( she is amazing btw), she always has amazing background music.  In my defense I live in Skipton where I spend most of my time indoors coped away( I need more excitement). This man deserves a Grammy. Why aren't his songs on the top 40 UK charts? All his songs are amazing and I shall be familiarize myself with his music and next time he has a concert I will make sure I am there singing my heart out. 

Marvin Sapp : One thing

This is song makes me happy. It makes me jump up and down and simply praise God. I love the energy in this performance. One day I would love to see Him live.

SWV : So into you and TLC baby , baby, baby

I don't know , but this song has been on my mind for the last week. I keep bursting into song randomly. I love this song, it also reminds me of baby baby baby by TLC. The beats are quite similar so I just keep interchanging the lyrics and grooving to the beat.

Micasa : Jika

These guys give me life. Everything they ever make is awesome. The song and music video are on point. I Just love it and the dance move is so easy. You won't be disappointed if you check this one out. 

DJ Qness : Everything

The vocals and the beat in this song are simply amazing. Nothing more nothing less. The video is also very creative. I love the dancing and the emotion.

Jasmine Thompson

Yes the Sainsbury advert got me. I had to find the amazing person who does an original and amazing cover of Chaka Khan's Ain't nobody. If you haven't heard it already then please check her out. Love, love this.

That's it for this week folks. I loved making this post and I hope you enjoy listening to the music I've shared with you guys.

Love 

Tiwi x

Where I'm from...

Where I'm from there is sunshine almost all year round
That earthy smell , that hustle and bustle like any other city.
Unique smells, sounds. Vibrant life.Excitement .


Where I'm from to talk about sex is a no go area.
And yet, young , old, single, married participate in the act
Sleazy hotels, motels and any private place (or public dark areas for the brave)
Where I'm from HIV/AIDS is a sad reality that is encroaching on our society
And yet people ignore it, silence the knowledge while people drop dead like flies.
Misinformation, A lack of education and ignorance is the order of the day...
When will people start  talking about sex?  Not everyone chooses to remain pure and save it for marriage. Because they don't understand why it is worth it...
Educate your children don't expect the world to educate them for you !Our society is morally skewed what knowledge can a child gain?

Don't get me wrong.Where I'm from...
Campaigns exist, Condoms are free, information is there and yet the death toll rises and the rate of infection goes up. The problem is HIV doesn't have a face. It is for most people invisible even when they get it or are affected by it . People brush it under the rug and continue as per pre HIV.

When somebody dies the old age 'They were sick' is the only response
And yet like most I know that this is code word for they had HIV/AIDS and it killed them.
Where I am from cheating is understood as part of life. The most common clique : The cheating husband
The husbands cheat and go on their merry way
While wives wait at home silently knowing the truth of their husbands infidelity
Risking their lives . When you ask them why they stay this is what they tell you
'Me and my husband are committed to making our marriage work'
When you ask them do you use condoms they tell you. 'You can't use condoms because it brings up the issue of trust'.
Oh and his illegitimate children might turn up one day but you are expected to accept them.
After all marriage is not a bed of roses. Forgive him.You smile and grin and act like everything is OK
Until HIV/AIDs knocks on your door.
You see the funny thing is where I'm from. That cheated wife will acts shocked when the nurse or the doctor says  ' You are HIV positive'. What do you think? HIV has a preference?
You see my people HIV is not a death sentence but why must people die or be infected in vain?There is an old saying I like: If you keep doing the same things the same way , expecting different results then that is called insanity .
My point exactly.

Tiwi Gondwe

A Thank you letter

I yearn and thirst for your knowledge
The only one who makes me whole
Lord Jesus I am no ashamed of your gospel.
For your grace and salvation saved my wretched soul.
You set me free from the shackles of sin
From the bondage of sin, family curses and the plan on the enemy.
I don't say this enough but Thank you Lord.
You always set me in the right path, even though it is a struggle for me sometimes
You keep on blessing and forgiving me
You are always here listening to me.
You showed and taught me love. Before you I knew only pain, darkness and rejection
But You came into my love and surrounded me with your  peace that passes understand.

This is just a little note to say Thank you Lord. To exalt your holy and precious name
Renew my oil Lord. For I am your oh God.
Bless me with your understanding. Hear the words of my heart.
I desire to walk in your path of righteousness. My heart's desire is to know you better

Thank you for your love, your word and your understanding

Tiwi
x

I'm back

So I am back

I realise now that I have been giving you guys a few poems here and there but not really interacting. Life is a roller coaster, I now understand that song. You guys will not believe how many drafts I am yet to finish. I always get bursts of inspiration but I never finish the stories I start.I will be working on finishing those and sharing them with you guys. I hope you find them as interesting as I do.

I also know that I had this monthly review of my life thing but after January I simply got caught up with life.This getting caught up tendency has made me realise that I need to take out time to reflect and absorb things that have happened in my life. Now that I am footloose and fancy free ( graduate in the house) I am going to build a new routine that includes reflecting on life and what is really going on around me. ( I can be so oblivious sometimes)...I am challenging myself  and you guys to take up 'reflecting on my life thus far' time.

As I was recently disowned by my soon to be brother in-law for being a bad writer / poet you guys should expect : more poetry. music I'm digging, Life stuff, hair stuff, Food ( I'm free), and cries for help with my dead exercise regime ( guys I need to get health but I just don't have the motivation, I need to get some) and more ... Always expect more.

SOOO ... I was inspired today. I finished reading Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie and I must say it is the best book I have ever read in my life. No joke and no I am not exaggerating. Reading this book was like switching on a light bulb for the first time. Believe me I am one of the those romance novel fanatics and I loved this book more than 2 people falling in love. I suggest everybody reads this book, it touches on racism, being born in dispora, black women and their hair, religion, marriage, love , growing up in Africa, moving abroad , immigration and so much more.

 After reading this book I looked at my life through a different lens. I also realised how naive I am. It was like being let into people's heads and seeing the reality of life for some people.Reality is a warped concept and not everything is black and white.

I learnt so much. I wanna get this book in hard copy because yes it was that good.

Any who ladies and gents that is all for today. I hope you pick the book and read it , I promise you won't be disappointed. Over the next couple of weeks I will be reading books and recommending them to you or telling you what I've learnt from them.

Until next time

Tiwi 

It's love

Sometimes I drift, thinking about you
Jill Scott singing it's love in my ears
I imagine me swaying my hips to this song slowly as you watch me.
Where will this be I wonder?
Love, Love , Love...
That's my note. I repeat her lines over and over again. Singing to you. Scatting doo doo dooby doo it's Love.
Or maybe you are not there. It's me on my own in my room. Singing ...love , love, love , love.
Swaying, moving ,dipping, It's love.
That bass, those drums , those horns. All come together in a beautiful  symphony of sounds. That voice rushes over me.
The sound of raindrops. The steady dripping and dropping. That beat ooooh woooh it's love.
The rhythm is intoxicating. I lose my words to describe.... it's love.

Tiwi x

Him

You sang to me from the depths of your soul.
Your essence is deep, you are my Renaissance man.
You are intelligent, talented , spiritual ( you know the Godly kind of spiritual). With you it's more than your looks in fact your looks are just the added bonus. Your mind makes you beautiful to me. The things you say and do make simply shine a light on your physical being.
I love it when you sing it comes from deep within your soul. Those husky undertones take me to a special place. A place where I imagine sunflower fields, sunshine, happiness and freedom. Your voice it warms me up like hot chocolate on a rainy day. It is like an invisible hug cloaking me with love.